Topic: Ask Ari

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #104, Winter 2004.

Dear Ari,
My partner and I are considering having a woman carry our child through surrogacy. We?re not biased as to whether we have a boy or a girl, just as long as the baby is healthy. What are your thoughts about having opposite gender role models in the child?s life? We?re aware of some studies that reflect that the children of gay and lesbian parents do very well socially, but we feel that our child, whether it be a boy or a girl, should get to know the ?culture? of the opposite sex. Is having our sisters and our own moms in the child?s life enough, or should we seek out another individual to be in his or her life?
?Robert

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.

Dear Ari,
I began my transition two years ago with my ex-wife?s support (sort of). At first she really seemed happy that I was finally becoming myself, but lately she has been difficult to get along with and I feel she?s trying to take my kids from me. My son is seven years old, and my daughter is 10, and they both ?know,? but I?m not sure they understand. Recently, my ex yelled at me on the phone and told me the children could never call me ?Mommy.? This hurt my feelings. What do you think the kids should call me? Daddy doesn?t really fit anymore, does it?
Just sign me ?Parent?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #103, Fall 2003.

We?re happy to welcome therapist Arlene Istar Lev?known informally as Ari?to our roster of columnists.?Ed.


Dear Ari,
I?m a 35-year-old transgendered person with a problem. I?ve told everyone in my family about my plans, and all have taken it remarkably well. This includes my spouse, whom I deeply love, and who has known about me since before we were wed. The problem now is deciding how to tell our five-year-old daughter. Any suggestions would be sincerely appreciated.
??Ready to Tell?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #101, Spring 2003.

? Arlene Istar Lev 2003, Rainbow Access Initiative, 518-471-9080
info@rainbowaccess.org, www.rainbowaccess.org

Assumption: Sex and Gender is the same thing
The terms ?gender? and ?sex? are often used interchangeably and conflated in common usage. People are as likely to say, ?There is a man,? as they are to say, ?There is a male,? not identifying any salient differences in the terminology used.

Reality Check:
Sex is the physiological makeup of human beings, referred to as their biological or natal sex, which includes a complex relationship of genetic, hormonal, morphological, biochemical and anatomical determinates that impact the physiology of the body and the sexual differentiation of the brain.

Dear Ari,
I began my transition two years ago with my ex-wife?s support (sort of). At first she really seemed happy that I was finally becoming myself, but lately she has been difficult to get along with and I feel she?s trying to take my kids from me. My son is seven years old, and my daughter is 10, and they both ?know,? but I?m not sure they understand. Recently, my ex yelled at me on the phone and told me the children could never call me ?Mommy.? This hurt my feelings. What do you think the kids should call me? Daddy doesn?t really fit anymore, does it?
Just sign me ?Parent?