Topic: Monica Helms

By Monica F. Helms

Veterans Day is one the three most important days in this country when it comes to patriotism and pride. At the eleventh minute, of the eleventh hour, of the eleventh day, of the eleventh month, we start the day honoring all the veterans who have served this country, both in peace and in war. Today, we have 26 million military veterans in America, but sadly, we lose 1500 WWII each day and a similar number of Korean War veterans as well. Soon, the Vietnam War veterans will pass away in similar numbers.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #104, Winter 2004.
by Monica F. Helms

So, this is the part of the column where Monica gets to be funny and clever. I get to spin words in order to bring the reader into a fantasy world, or create an alternative reality. It is my quarterly moment, my chance to escape into another realm, be creative, to dance within the beauty of the English language. It is the time when I open my soul for others to see.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.

by Monica F. Helms

As always, Dallas has given me more work than an Army pack mule. She even has a mule whip in her office to keep me and the other columnists in line. I suspect some act up on a regular basis just so Dallas can pay them a private visit with the whip. I don?t understand. Am I missing something here?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #103, Fall 2003.

by Monica F. Helms

A dark and dismal Phoenix apartment sits empty, waiting for its one lone occupant to return. Enter one Monica Helms, a broken shell of a transsexual woman, eking out a meager existence in a life of endless solitude and anonymity. Little did she know, as she put her groceries away, that her life would soon change. The concept of change is not unfamiliar to a transsexual. However, the kind of change Monica will experience can only be found in? the Twilight Zone.? (Insert theme music here.) Monica placed the last can of baked beans on the shelf. ?My life is so dull and boring,? she sighed. ?Just once, I wish I could have a little excitement.?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #102, Summer 2003.

by Monica F. Helms

I was going through my morning routine, getting ready for another day at Tapestry Towers. Only a few months ago, we all thought we would lose our jobs because of the lavish spending of the editor, Dallas Denny. However, Dallas used her beguiling ways to convince a Saudi sheik to float a multi-million-dollar loan, which in reality should be considered a ?gift,? as she has no intention of paying it back.

As I adjusted my skirt and slipped into my flats, I heard what sounded like a knock at the door. Rounding the corner into my living room, I saw the strangest thing?the air in front of the door appeared distorted, like ripples in a pond. The ripples increased in intensity and air started rushing into the center. The turbulence was so intense that papers flew off the table and into the opening.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #101, Spring 2003.

by Monica F. Helms


?OK, class. Take your seats. It?s time to begin. My name is Ms. Monica Helms. I?ll be your instructor for Transgender 101 this semester. Let me start off by asking all of you to put your hands down. I already know what your first question is, because it?s the same one I get every semester. No, I am NOT related to Senator Jesse Helms. However, I would like to meet him one day and tell him I?m his long-lost niece/nephew and watch him keel over. If he has a heart attack, he?d better not expect mouth-to-mouth from me.?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #99, Fall 2002.

And That's The Way It Is!
by Monica Helms

This April, I felt privileged to attend my first IFGE convention. I had fun, and made new friends. The awards ceremonies brought tears to my eyes, while the workshops and panels informed and delighted me.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #099, Fall 2002.
by Monica F. Helms


The Kansas Supreme Court decision on March 15, 2002 in ?In re Estate of Gardiner? sent a shock wave through our community that we had not experienced since the Supreme Court turned down Christie Lee Littleton?s case, the firing of Dana Rivers, or the Minnesota court case of Juli Goins. The transgender community has become used to serving as society?s sparing partner, bobbing and weaving to avoid solid contact, but it still stings when they land a strong left hook that sends us to canvas. How can anyone blame us when we respond to these emotional defeats?

In true transgender fashion, our response comes in the form of words, pouring out our emotions on the computer screen before us:

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Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #099, Fall 2002.

by Monica F. Helms

This April, I felt privileged to attend my first IFGE convention. I had fun, and made new friends. The awards ceremonies brought tears to my eyes, while the workshops and panels informed and delighted me. But in spite of all this, there is one evening that will forever live in infamy. I call it The Night of a Thousand Ribs.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #098, Summer 2002

by Monica F. Helms

It will be a long time before these words appear in Transgender Tapestry. Today, in early March, the weather is unseasonably cold and uninviting here in Georgia?but summer will have set in by the time you peel back the cover of this magazine. Somewhere across this country, pre-op MTF transsexuals will be standing in front of mirrors, modeling new bikinis the world may never see them in. Been there, done that.