The International Foundation for Gender Education

Transgender Tapestry 105 Spring 2004 Table of Contents



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Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



by Melissa Clark



Okay, so I?ve read the biographies,
the autobiographies, the novels, and the revelatory nonfiction pieces that define what we are. They tell us that gender and sexual orientation are not necessarily the same thing; in fact, they go way out of their way to emphasize exactly that point. The problem, then, is not in defining
our gender or how we feel the need to express it, but rather how expressing our gender impacts the rest of our lives. For example, I?m a transsexual woman, male-to-female, and I?ve heard a box full of theories on why it is I ?chose? to transition. They range from, ?Didn?t you just want to be with a man?? to ?You did this to embarrass us? (?us? being my family
of origin, from whom I have not heard
a word in nearly a year). The answer to each of those is ?No!??but that hardly addresses the clouded notion of why transpeople do what we do. The National Enquirer?s ?Inquiring minds want to know? motto may be a bit overrated,
but in this case, perhaps it?s exactly what needs to be addressed to simply answer the question.
Without sounding like every other attempt to describe one?s own situation, my journey began with the difficult attempt to understand why, if I was
sexually attracted to women, I felt the need to express myself as a woman. When I finally reached the point in my life where I thought I needed to figure that one out or lose what little sanity
I had, I was already struggling with my marriage. Why not? My wife had expected to marry a male and was accustomed to male behavior and simply couldn?t understand why I was so different from her expectations. Neither could I, but I had no idea what to expect from a male, either. There were things ?guys did.? I tried to do those things, enjoy those things, but often felt as baffled as Nathan Lane and Robin Williams did in the scene from ?Birdcage,? when they were trying to discuss the Dolphins. Yet I understood and actually appreciated the concept of sports. It was the other parts of being a guy and the enjoyment of white male privilege that confused me?for I?d always been a feminist, even before I
fully realized why being a feminist made survival sense to me personally, as well
as good sense to women in general.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



Dear Ari,

I began my transition two years ago with my ex-wife?s support (sort of). At first she really seemed happy that I was finally becoming myself, but lately she has been difficult to get along with and I feel she?s trying to take my kids from me. My son is seven years old, and my daughter is 10, and they both ?know,? but I?m not sure they understand. Recently, my ex yelled at me on the phone and told me the children could never call me ?Mommy.? This hurt my feelings. What do you think the kids should call me? Daddy doesn?t really fit anymore, does it?

Just sign me ?Parent?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



Dress Codes
Review by Spencer Bergstedt


Dress Codes: Of Three Girlhoods?My Mother?s, My Father?s, and Mine. (2002). Noelle Howey, Picador USA/St. Martin?s Press, 332 pages, $24.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



Eunuch Monks of Krat



Review by Sam More



The Insatiable Adventures of the Eunuch Monks of Krat. (2002). Tucker Lieberman, XLibris, $14.95.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



by Monica F. Helms



As always, Dallas has given me more work than an Army pack mule. She even has a mule whip in her office to keep me and the other columnists in line. I suspect some act up on a regular basis just so Dallas can pay them a private visit with the whip. I don?t understand. Am
I missing something here?

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



by Moonhawk River Stone



I crossed the bridge again tonight, picking my way among the icy leftovers of the intense early arrival of winter. Found my brick, too; midnight and the new year would wait while I considered
it one more time, feeling so inconspicuously anonymous in the crowd of New Year?s revelers. Just one of hundreds come to see the old year out and the
new in with the midnight fireworks
over the river, my transness, my queerness invisible in the revelry, and heavy clothing for the night?s chill.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



by Alison Kemp





It?s midnight and Ayten?s red glossy lips and long black hair make him shimmer in the darkness. He?s not had the operation, so he?s still got his penis and sees no need to get rid of it. He?s just
left a regular customer, a married man with children who is so enamored of his sexual forays with Ayten that he wants to give it all up, wear a dress and join his lover on the street.

Originally appeared in Transgender Tapestry #105, Spring 2004.



by Dallas Denny



Pronoun Trouble



Several years ago, I went with a friend to a rainy Pride celebration in Atlanta?s Piedmont Park. Afterwards, muddy and damp, our hair frizzed, we decided to
get something to eat. My friend pulled her SUV into the parking lot of a high-dollar Mexican restaurant, where we were greeted by a parking valet. He said to my friend, a transsexual woman, ?Good afternoon, sir.? A moment later, having taken a better look, he started over. ?Good afternoon, ma?am.?
Inside the restaurant, my friend sat steaming about the perceived insult. I said to her, more or less, ?He just did what all human beings do?when he saw you, he made an immediate gender attribution. Then, when he looked more closely, he changed the pronoun. Maybe he thought his initial impression had been mistaken. Maybe he clocked you and was courteous enough to call you ma?am. In either case, how did he give offense??
She wasn?t able to tell me.